Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize