I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
