glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
