I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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