Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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