My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
