People with herpes should wear stickers.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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