Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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