For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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