Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
