the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
