Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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