I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I supernannyed him into submission
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
