You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
