3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
