drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
