You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
that may or may not have been my penis.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
