Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
