my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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