im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I have aggressive nipples.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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