Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
