I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
