you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
