This girl is more easily done than said...
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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