i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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