so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
