We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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