It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
