Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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