doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
