you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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