listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
