Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
