well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
