Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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