i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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