why im i the only drunk person in the library?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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