Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
