A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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