I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
