Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
this will be a night to untag.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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