I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
