i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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