Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
