I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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