I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
