Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
