Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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