i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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