he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
