Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
