He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
