Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
