I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
