Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so explain again why im purple
no
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
