So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
