I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
