now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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