Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
