i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
