No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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