Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
