Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
