i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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