Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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