Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She's the barista slut.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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