Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
