I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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