Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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