i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
