I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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