bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
