she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
