did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
