i'm signing you up for texting rehab
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
