My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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