In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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