do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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