He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
