Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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