There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
