He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
