..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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