ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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