oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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