He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
