thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
