Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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