I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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