i was born a porn star she said
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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