tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
