Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize