There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
