Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
