He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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