my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
